Hobbitporn
by Raven White
Summary: My little submission to the growing amoubnt of hobbitporn on the net


Disclaimer: They're not mine, they're Tolkien's, and he'd probably roll over in his grave if he knew what I've done with them, but he doesn't so. ;p  
  
AN: It's hobbit porn! Lots of slashy-vibes. . .  
  
There once was a little hobbit named Samwise Gamgee. He was infatuated wutg another little hobbit named Frodo Bagins. The only problem was that Frodo didn't seem to notice him. Try as he might he could never get the prettier hobbit's attention because he spent most of his time staring after Aragron heir of Isiliador(haha, i cant spell for my life). Sam was very jealos of Aragorn because he got all of Frodo's attention. He was also a very lonely and sad little Hobbit who needed someone to love.  
  
All through-out the Fellowship everyone had someone, but not Sam, he was the odd-hobbit-out. Merry had Pippin, Boromir had Legolas(the prettiest elf), Gandalf had Gimli, and Aragorn had Frodo. It just wasn't fair! He wanted Frodo! Damnit! He decided to devise a plan on how to obtain the Hobbit from out of the King-to-be's grasp. He would let the Pretty-Elf- Lady Arwen know of Aragon's Pervy-Hobbit-Fancier alternate personality, not to mention his lack of shaving skills.  
  
Sam just didn't understand how Frodo would fall for someone so hairy with such small feet. You know what they say; The smaller the feet the smaller the Hobbithood (er. . .Rangerhood in this case). And so he set his plan into motion. He sent Arwen a letter care of the Ring-Wraith Mailling Service (Hey! Even evil creatires have to make a living. How much did you think Lord Sauron paid them?) And the Fellowship traveled on-ward, no one caring about the state that poor Samwise was in. . .  
  
***  
  
A few days passed before Sam recieved a reply fromt he Pretty-Elf-Lady Arwen. This is what she wrote:  
  
IDear Mr. Gamgee,  
  
I thank you for informing me as to what my Aragorn is up to. I'd always thought that he was a Pervy-Hobbit-Fancier and it is no suprise to me that he is not shaving. But I am not worried for I knoe when he returns he will be true to me and only me as all always are. I'm sorry for your troubles surounding the pretty little ring-bearer, but that is of no concern to me. May all be well on your journey.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Lady Arwen of Rivendel./I  
  
Sam was furious, even the pretty-elf-lady was against him! He sat on the forest floor crying after he paid the Ring-Wraith-Messenger number 6. He had to come up with a new plan. He'd kill off each member of the fellowship until Frodo would be his and only his. The first to go would be that stupid wizard, Gandalf the Grey.  
  
So when they were in the mines he pushed him into the pit with the fire- moster thingy. Things were going great for the first few days, Frodo needed as much comfort as he could get and Sam provided it in true Hobbit fashion, with lots of weed. But then Frodo went back to Aragorn whom for some reason was better at that whole comfort thing. Sam was in horrid spirits, still ebing the odd-hobbit-out. Gimli had joined with Legolas(still the pretiest elf) and Boromir.  
  
Sam was pissed. He next chose to dispose of Boromir because not only was he happy, he wouldn't shut up about having his Horn of Gondor blown by Hobbits, Elves and Dwarves alike. Tunrs out he was a pervy-everything- fancier. Sam talked Merry and Pippin into distracting him long enough to be killed by Orcs. Which also resulted in the abduction of Merry and Pippin, but that's another story all together.  
  
Once Sam was sure he was dead he went to check on Frodo who was getting ready to depart in a boat Ialone/I!(turns out he'd had a fight with Aragorn) Aragorn was no where in sighte. There was no way Sam was going to let his Frodo leave him behind. Sam went after him, almost drowned and then joined him on his journey to disposed of the ring.  
  
The first night the where alone togetFrodo was terribly scared, he didnt like being away from the fellowship. Sam felt bad for doing what he'd done, but Mr. Frodo was now his and only his. So once again Sam comforted him in true Hobbit-fashion with lots of weed, and this time lots of shagging.  
  
And so the young Hobbit Samwise Gamgee got what he wanted all that time; Frodo Bagins.  
  
~fin~ 


End file.
